#9 Ashe Davenport – Melbourne, Australia
The COVID-19 lockdown is just lifting here in Melbourne. I chatted with the sweet, brutal Ashe Davenport, author and columnist at The Design Files.
A few weeks after having my son, I was in shock. Shocked that no-one told me how outrageous the hours and exhaustion were, and shocked at how alone I felt bluffing my way through raising a newborn.
My husband discovered Ashe’s blog ‘Sad Mum Lady’ and I reluctantly read it thinking no fresh insight was going to save me. Ashe’s honesty and hilarious, bitter-sweet tales – a cross between ‘The Letdown’ and ‘Broad City’ – were reassuring and frank.
I binge-read her blog posts and felt connected and heard for the first time in a long time. I’ve followed her ever since and feel proud as heck to see her new book out in the wide, weird world.
Name: Ashe Davenport
Occupation: Writer
Location: Northcote, Australia
Family members: Ashe, Sam, Dee Dee (4yo), Franny (2yo)
Generally speaking, our plan is just not to go crazy at the same time. Sam (my partner) and I try and take it in turns to get stressed and overwhelmed, so at least one of us can be the captain of the ship, with a hand on the wheel and a twinkle in their eye, etc. But it doesn’t always pan out that way.
Parenthood is hard. And we have it EASY. We’re partnered, financially stable and able-bodied and still there are days we barely cope. We try and accept the highs and lows, and forgive each other for being shitty.
I have a book coming out called Sad Mum Lady. It’s a collection of essays about life as a new parent with postnatal depression, but, you know, funny. It will be available online and in a handful of bookstores as of June 16th.
I love food, but have only ever been vaguely interested in cooking it. I used to eat out a lot, or at friends’ or family members’ places in exchange for wine. My fridge used to contain an egg and carton of expired milk. Then I met Sam, who loves to cook, so that worked out.
I’ve had to cook more, since having kids, but I use the term loosely. I make pasta mostly. Also I buy fruit and vegetables now. So my fridge has a lot more colour. My pantry staples are pasta, olives, tuna, rice, cucumber, carrot, feta, yoghurt. They’re always in our kitchen because the girls eat it.
If the kids are in the kitchen with me, it’s a tutu near an open flame kind of situation. But I don’t mind cooking alone. That can be nice. Sometimes they’ll go for peeling cloves of garlic or drawing quietly at the kitchen table, but generally speaking, ABC kids lets me get things done.
Our mealtime rule is to try and stay at the table. My two year old finds this particularly challenging.
My mother raised me and my three sisters on her own, so her cooking was very functional. Mostly stir-fry and minestrone soups. Sometimes an egg on toast. Dad cooked a lot of Greek family style meals. Platters of lamb with lemon and oregano, chunky cucumber and slabs of feta with tomatoes from the garden. Those flavours made a mark. I still love me some Bulgarian feta drizzled with olive oil with a crust of dry oregano on top.
Sam takes the girls to Vic Market every Saturday. They’ve got their whole routine down. They start with a borek then the girls help him choose the produce. It’s a wholesome scene, I imagine. I wouldn’t know. I’m sweating in the living room to a broadway dance class on Zoom. I parent for most of the week, so Saturdays are for me.
The kids know there’s a thing called coronavirus which is making people sick, so we need to wash our hands more and not hug our grandparents so we can help keep them safe. They seem okay with it. Sam and I haven’t panicked about it, which probably helps. Staying present is the most helpful tool for me generally. Reminding myself to enjoy the little moments of magic and breathe through the hellish ones.
I miss big family dinners. Getting together at either of my parents’ places or Sam’s. Lots of people! Wine! At the same time!
I enjoy food, but not enough for the gardening and feeding my sourdough starter business. If the end of the world comes and there’s an option to drink a single grey smoothie with everything I needed in it nutrient-wise, I would drink that smoothie. When flour was scarce, at the beginning of COVID lockdown, we got our hands on a 5kg bag from Loafer Bread in Fitzroy, through a friend of Sam’s. It was thrilling.
My go-to meal is a rice cup, canned tuna, avocado, goats cheese. Prep time is two minutes and the kids eat it. Add chilli flakes for grown-ups.
Mac and Three C’s (Cheese, Cauliflower & Chorizo)
Tonight Sam is making a cauliflower, cheese and chorizo pasta bake. He is trying to upstage me. The appeal is that it’s the food we have in the fridge. The girls will eat the chorizo and pasta and we’ll hope for the best re: the cauliflower. We’ll tell them it makes them really good dancers. Cue dance breaks throughout the meal (pictured). But whatever works.
Half a head of cauliflower, cut into bite sized florets
500g macaroni or other shell / tubey pasta
2 mild chorizo, sliced into coins
75g of butter
3 or 4 tablespoons of flour
8 cloves of garlic, finely chopped
2 ribs of celery, diced
1 onion, diced
500 ml of milk
500 ml of vege or chicken stock
4 bay leaves
200g of tasty cheese, grated
100g of mozzarella (that hard one from the supermarket, not the good stuff), grated
2 x teaspoon of fresh oregano (or 1 x dried)
100g of parmesan or pecorino
Sesame seeds and cherry tomatoes sliced in half
A few tablespoons of chopped parsley
Bring a pot of water to the boil, salted as if for pasta. Reduce to a simmer and cook the cauliflower in it for 3 to 5 minutes, until tender but still with some bite. When it’s done, scoop it out with a sieve and chuck ina bowl, and use the same water to cook your pasta (bring it back to the boil first).
Meanwhile, cook the chorizo in a medium hot fry pan with a tiny bit of oil. When they’re cooked, add them to the same bowl as the cauliflower. Don’t lose any of that sweet red oil that’s come out of the chorizo.
Preheat oven to 220 C.
In a dutch oven (if you have one, otherwise a large saucepan is fine), melt the butter and add the flour over medium heat to make your roux. Stir until there’s no lumps of flour, then add the garlic. The garlic will turn into a sticky paste, then add the celery and onion and cook for 5 to 10 minutes minutes until soft.
Gradually pour in the milk, then the stock, stirring to remove any lumps from the mixture. Bring to a simmer, and then add the bay leaves. Let it cook for about 10 minutes or so. Taste, and season. I don’t use pepper here if I’m making it for kids.
By now your pasta will be cooked, so drain it. If you’ve made your sauce in a dutch oven, you can chuck the pasta straight in there. Otherwise put everything in a big oven dish. Whatever you’re using, chuck the pasta, the cauliflower, the chorizo, the sauce, the tasty cheese and mozzarella and the oregano into it. Stir to combine, and even it out so it has relatively flat surface on top. Put the cherry tomatoes on top, then the parmesan, then the sesame seeds.
Chuck it all in the oven. I honestly don’t know for how long, but until it gets nice and golden brown.
Give it 10 minutes out of the oven for the juices to incorporate, then serve. I put into kids bowls for a good 5 minutes before they eat it because this thing is hotter than the fiery pits of hell, and the tomatoes especially are like little heat bombs.
Add shitloads of pepper and the chopped parsley to grown ups bowls.
Main image credit: Mrs White
